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Some people trivialize
depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed
person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these
thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that
praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates
any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression.
Here is the list
from contributors to alt.support.depression:
-
"What's
your
problem?"
-
"Will
you stop that constant whining?
-
"What
makes you think that anyone cares?"
-
"Have
you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"
-
"You
just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."
-
"But
it's all in your mind."
-
"I
thought you were stronger than that."
-
"No
one ever said life was fair."
-
"As
you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."
-
"Pull
yourself up by your bootstraps."
-
"Do
you feel better now?"
(Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker
has asked me "what's wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with
the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as
anything but an irrational sadness.)
-
"Why
don't you just grow up?"
-
"Stop
feeling sorry for yourself."
-
"There
are a lot of people worse off than you?"
-
"You
have it so good, why aren't you happy?"
-
"It's
a beautiful day!"
-
"You
have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!"
-
"What
do you have to be depressed about".
-
"Happiness
is a choice"
-
"You
think you've got problems..."
-
"Well
at least it's not that bad."
-
"Maybe
you should take vitamins for your stress."
-
"There
is always somebody worse off than you are."
-
"Lighten
up!"
-
"You
should get off all those pills."
-
"You
are what you think."
-
"Cheer
up!"
-
"You're
always feeling sorry for yourself."
-
"Why
can't you just be normal?"
-
"Things
aren't that bad, are they?"
-
"Have
you been praying/reading the Bible?"
-
"You
need to get out more."
-
"We
have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]
-
"Get
a grip!"
-
"Most
folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
-
"Take
a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."
-
"Well,
everyone gets depressed sometimes!"
-
"Get
a job!"
-
"Smile
and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."
-
"You
don't look depressed!"
-
"You're
so selfish!"
-
"You
never think of anyone but yourself."
-
"You're
just looking for attention."
-
"Have
you got PMS?"
-
"You'll
be a better person because of it!"
-
"Everybody
has a bad day now and then."
-
"You
should buy nicer clothes to wear."
-
"You
catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
-
"Why
don't you smile more?"
-
"A
person your age should be having the time of your life."
-
"The
only one you're hurting is yourself."
-
"You
can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."
-
"This
is a place of business, not a hospital," (after
confiding to my supervisor about my depression).
-
"Depression
is a symptom of your sin against God."
-
"You
brought it on yourself"
-
"You
can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression,
it's all in your hands."
-
"Get
off your rear and do something." -or- "Just do it!"
-
"Why
should I care?"
-
"Snap
out of it, will you?"
-
"You
want
to feel this way."
-
"You
have no reason to feel this way."
-
"Its
your own fault."
-
"That
which does not kill us makes us stronger."
-
"You're
always worried about your problems."
-
"Your
problems aren't that big."
-
"What
are you worried about? You should be fine."
-
"Just
don't think about it."
-
"Go
Away."
-
"You
don't have the ability to do it."
-
"Just
wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."
-
"Go
out and have some fun!"
-
"You're
making me depressed as well..."
-
"I
just want to help you."
-
"The
world out there is not that bad..."
-
"Just
try a little harder!"
-
"Believe
me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."
-
"You
need a boy/girl-friend."
-
"You
need a hobby."
-
"Just
pull yourself together"
-
"You'd
feel better if you went to church"
-
"I
think your depression is a way of punishing us." --My mother
-
"Shit
or get off the pot."
-
"So,
you're depressed. Aren't you always?"
-
"What
you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."
-
"You're
a writer, aren't you? Just think of all the good material you're getting
out of this."
-
This
one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake, i.e. one of my
hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has
a lot more charisma than I do: "Our thoughts and prayers are with you."
This has actually happened to me.
-
Bitten-back
response: "Who are 'our'? And don't do me any favors, schmuck."
-
"Have
you tried chamomile tea?"
-
"So,
you're depressed. Aren't you always?"
-
"You
will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass."
"This
too shall pass." - Ann Landers
-
"Oh,
perk up!"
-
"Try
not being so depressed."
-
"Quit
whining. Go out and help people and you won't have time to brood..."
-
"Go
out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."
-
"You
have to take up your bed and carry on."
-
"Why
don't you give up going to these quacks (i.e. doctors) and throw out those
pills, then you'll feel better."
-
"Well,
we all have our cross to bear."
-
"You
should join band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking
about yourself so much."
-
"You
change your mind."
-
"You're
useless."
-
"Nobody
is responsible for your depression."
-
"You
don't like feeling that way? So, change it."
Compiled
by bw@cv.hp.com.for a.s.d newsgroup
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